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On the Occasion of the 4th death of Jerome Baez.  

 

I have known only one man who has died so many times. He is like the wind coming from at least 5 directions. His own experiences of death count more than his actual deaths.

Jerome Baez was born once on the frozen asphalted prarie of the Northern Forest Preserve District of Cook County. This drew him much scorn from his southern neighbors when he ran for Spring Show President instead of student council treasurer. There is still only one instance at Sugar Ray High of a person running for President of a Spring Show that didn't exist and still does not exist.

Jerome Baez committed suicide when no committee whatsoever acknowledged his audition which took place under the portico in a hail storm. This audition was attended by one wretched soul who was holding a flute case like she was ready to jam.

His second death was reported in GlitchGulch, a trade quarterly, as a series of ever elaborate feedback loops that eventually crashed his cpu and fabanfed (pron. fuh-banft) his Public Address speakers. His waves were too square.

His third death is usually overlooked for its unusually boring qualities. He just sort of forgot what he walked in to the room for.

And now finally we are saddened to the trembling tips of our chins once again for there have been reports of an absent man where there was formerly one who made the most scrumptious beat drop soup. We were always amazed at his ability to drift into an involuntary deep sleep from the most precarious of positions. His pile of a director's chair remains unfixed from his latest collapsed sigh. Here is to hoping that the man of more than five winds has not passed his last. Jereome Baez, you will be missed.

 

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